A guest piece from Rob of “Consider the Lillies” (update: a blog now closed, here’s a 2006 snapshot courtesy of Archive.org). Rob describes himself: “I’m a twenty-something gay Mid-western expatriate living in Boston. I was inspired to begin a blog based on the writings of other urban Quaker bloggers as they reflect and discuss their inward faith and outward experiences. When I’m not reading or writing, I’m usually with my friends, traveling about, and/or generally making an arse of myself.”
As of late, I’ve been led to consider my outward appearance and how I choose to dress. Without elaborating on that leading in this posting (perhaps later), I have given much thought to clothing and dress generally. How we dress communicates a great deal to others about ourselves — whether or not it’s our intention.
The vain among us put a great deal of emphasis on our clothes and obsess about what it may say to others about our physical or social traits: “Am I hot, or am I not? Do I look smart with these glasses? Do these pants make my butt look big?” The secretly vain (perhaps everyone else) tend to avoid the topic lest they might have to inwardly admit that they are in the former category. Even if we tell ourselves that we don’t mean to communicate much of anything by our attire, it’s certainly true that others understand our clothes to be saying something about us. Let us begin the conversation there to avoid determining whether we are outright vain or just secretly vain. 🙂
Clothing communicates many things about us including perceptions of age, sex, class, and wealth. Clothing can stereotype us as urban or rural; cool or uncool (a subjective measure, of course); hip or hopelessly out of fashion. Some examples: when I wear my best suit to work, I sense that I get a higher level of respect than when I dress more casually. When I go out for a night on the town, I pick my “New York” shoes to convey a certain cosmopolitan image. Also, when I wear my coat collar standing up, it says something different than when I wear my collar flat. In what instances do you dress differently to emphasize a different part of yourself?
On evenings and weekends, I tend to wear the same clothes: a logo-free long-sleeve shirt, corduroy pants and a pair of retro-like sneakers. I do it because it’s comfortable and it’s easy; I always know what to wear, and I get to avoid the dreaded deed of shopping — something I really dislike. (It also means that I do laundry more often!)
Even though I tend to wear that same set of clothes outside of work, that decision says more than that I simply don’t care that my clothes are always the same. The outfit communicates a great deal more: One is just as likely to see a man wearing cords, retro sneakers and a logo-free long-sleeve shirt as one is a woman. Perhaps my clothes communicate androgyny. Maybe they say that I’m an urban dweller — a little bit of a hipster, but not too much. Perhaps they say that I’m cheap. Whatever they communicate, I think it’s fair to say that they say something to others. Once I admit that my clothes indeed say something, I can get past my discomfort (I must be secretly vain) and talk about it openly. Who is the person that I’m called to be and how am I outwardly led to embody those qualities? Through actions, yes, but through dress?
Plain dress, while a statement in and of itself, communicates faith, commitment to that faith, and Otherness. It set a person apart differently than other forms of dress. When prompted by an inner spiritual leading, plain dress isn’t simply the other side of the “cool coin.” It doesn’t vary by day or circumstance, and to some, plain dress is rather ugly. However, plain dress stands for something much different than a rejection of our cultural ideals of beauty and virility. It is an embrace of one’s inner spirit and making that spirit and that faith an outward symbol.
To me, plain dress would serve as a daily reminder of a commitment to lead a more Christian and Quaker life. If I were to dress plain, I would have to sacrifice my coolness (for lack of a better word) and wear plain, and rather unexciting clothes. I wouldn’t have the luxury of dressing for different audiences and circumstances depending on my motivations. In essence, I would outwardly communicate that I am a Quaker first, a person living each moment in the spirit and in the Light, and everything else second. Plain dress would serve as a reminder to me and others that I aspire to live toward God and in the footsteps of Jesus in all places, at all times, and in every circumstance.
What an empowering thought! It is a tremendous leading for anyone to hear and one worth seeking greater discernment.
I am new to being a Friend. What exactly would constitute Plain dressing? I rarely wear anything but jeans and tshirts…
Hi Kas -
One of the most nicely organized overviews of Quaker Plain dress is at Quaker Jane’s site. She describes “different levels of plain” — your jeans and t‑shirts would likely fall into the “simple dress” catagory.
Welcome to being a Quaker! 🙂
Hi Kas,
My answer to “what’s plain dressing?” is “however you’re led to dress.” I do have “more to say”:http://www.nonviolence.org/martink/archives/000080.php but the first principle is that this isn’t a uniform to be adopted so you’ll fit in, but instead a reflection of leadings and promptings from the Holy Spirit. See the
“Quaker plain dress”:http://www.nonviolence.org/quaker/plain_dress.php page on this site for a whole range of stories and definitions.
My idea of plainness would be better understood by using the term modest-dress. I think that people should avoid too much expense when buying clothes, spending frivolous amounts of money on clothing and being seen dripping in designer labels from head to toe will cause people to question your sincerity and faithfulness. The message: do not let money be your god.
Your clothes should not reflect your disposable income or status. Clothes are worn for a basic purpose, to keep us warm and give us dignity and a decent appearance. They should not be barometers of wealth or mere fashion statements. Neither should they be too bright and colourful, or too skimpy. Clothing should cover provocative areas like cleavage and legs.
Avoid wearing too much jewellery, it is incredibly vulgar to wear too much and will imply a materialistic or vain temperament. Remember, the only possessions that Christ ever had were a pair of sandals and the clothes on his back. Stick to a simple wedding ring (a plain gold band is best) and a pair of modest earrings or studs (not the long, dangly kind). The final item that you COULD add to this list is perhaps an elegant pearl necklace for evening wear. This should be the most jewellery that you should own, you should not need any more than this. Anything else is simply vanity.
As regards the wearing of cosmetics, the woman who wears make-up today is no longer a fallen woman or a devious temptress, but she should still exercise caution. A light, simple make-up is the way to go. Just a little foundation sealed with a light dusting of face powder, a quick swish of blush, a dab of neautral brown eye shadow on the eyelids and the merest hint of brown or black mascara for definition, a final slick of lipstick in a basic shade completes the look. Avoid frosty or glittery ‘fashion shades’ of lipstick. Stick with a clear red or a plum pink. Never wear too much make-up, a face caked with cosmetics has an artificial look and loses character. It also hides the individual underneath all of that make-up. For many women going completely barefaced may be an option, if you have the confidence to do this. A face without cosmetics can look fantastic if skin is in good condition, you will also save money from not having to pay out for expensive make-up all the time.
Being plain does not mean having to be a washed-out, whey-faced wallflower. You have the option of wearing tastefully chosen and very lightly applied cosmetics. If you are not very good at ‘doing your face’ however, I think you should avoid wearing base and simply apply a quick brush of mascara and a quick smudge of lipstick. This will make you look presentable without appearing immodest or flashy. You can also scrub your face bare and show off your God-given face to the world, if you dare.
#Just a little advice from a quiet, English Quaker hoping to be of service.
My ungodliness is clearly in my love of fabric and texture and cut and style. I take pleasure in a clean simple line — whether for clothing or architecture. Form might follow function — but when it does there is clear beauty.
I have hesitated at the door of the Meeting House for so long — held back by what I believe friends would view as shallow materialistic interests and would lead to rejection or condemnation of me. I like a red lipstick. And I enjoy clunky coloured jewellery. It makes me smile. And often, as an activist (human rights; mental health campaigning; child protection and children’s rights; trade union and employment rights and environmental protection) clothes have helped subvert social norms.
It makes me sad that all this means I can’t cross the meeting house threshold. Or that appearance means I cannot worship.
Hi Yvonne, thanks for coming to my blog and commenting on this ancient discussion. You should certainly pass through that meetinghouse door and see what you see. The comment you replied to is 18 years old. I don’t even know the person who left it. It was their opinion then but doesn’t represent what you’ll find in a typical Friends meeting. There are plenty of people who use makeup and take care to dress nicely and wear clunky jewelry. It’s all good. All we care about is that you come ready to join the worship.
Thank you so much Martin. I really needed your words.
I will be going along to the Glasgow meeting house ❤️
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️