Yearly Archives ⇒ 1996

Anna Maria’s Advice to Lovers

December 20, 1996
· Martin Kelley

Anna Maria and the Romance Round­table

We live in an age of con­fus­ing sex­u­al­i­ties and unclear gen­der lines, an age in which pro­to­cols for woo­ing beloveds have been tossed to the wind in a mad rush for some imag­ined “sex­u­al lib­er­a­tion.” Remind­ing us that romance is not dead, and that chival­ry is more fash­ion­able than ever is Anna Maria and her Romance Roundtable.

Only Date Peo­ple Who…
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…have a kines­thet­ic sen­si­bil­i­ty (AM)
…appre­ci­ate the won­ders of dic­tio­nar­ies (J)
…are com­fort­able talk­ing about sex (K)
…like din­ers with “To Sir with Love” play­ing (J)
…are com­fort­able break­ing out into spon­ta­neous song (M)
…like to play the veg­etable game (“Moomer­ry, mel­ery, babaya”) (M & J)
…likes eye con­tact (K)
…are straight-edgers (AM)
…need to prac­tice their mas­sage lessons (Mary R)
…like to cook (MR)
…who can accom­pa­ny, or even bet­ter, join my coop house­’s stream of puns (MR)
…enchants my house­mates (MR)
…get along with house­mates (B)
…have a library card (B)
…live in your zip code (M)
…bring you break­fast in bed (B)
…use con­doms (B)
…share your gait while walk­ing (B)
…you pick up on the Cleve­land bus sys­tem (T) (go figure)

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And remem­ber a few more rules…

Try not to be too judge­men­tal (J)
Crush­es are almost 90% mutu­al (M)
Be picky (AM)

Do you have more to add? Won­der­ful. Please send mail to the Anna Maria Advice to Lovers Home­page. Spe­cial thanks to John­ny “unhung and that’s okay with us” Depp for inspi­ra­tion for this page.

Cir­ca 1996. Recov­ered via Archive​.org